sophomore slump? or comeback of the year?

So my sophomore year is -over-. I am simply waiting for my dad to come get me and take me home.

I look around this room, and i see how many memories I have in here. I've lived in this room for two whole years. So much has happened in here. The memories that make me laugh, make me cry, and sometimes even make me blush. Some of my most precious memories are in this room. But I'm ready to leave it behind.

I've learned a lot this year. Despite the pain it's brought me, I've learned from it.

I've learned that people are not perfect, myself included. And I need to be okay with that. Despite the fact that I always try to do what's right, that's not always what happens. I have to accept that I do on ocassion make the wrong decision. But, that doesn't make me a bad person. I just have to step back and say "Okay. What can I learn from this mistake? How can I make myself a better person from this?". Other people make mistakes too. Not everyone can explain why they do certain things or act a certain way. Some things are done on impulse without thinking once of the consequences. When someone hurts you, you of course want to know why. The problem is that there may not be a real reason. Perhaps your perpetrators had no intention of hurting you, though they did. And they can't retrace the steps that got to that point.

People in a situation will lie to save their butts. I am a terrible liar. I haven't been able to lie since I've been a kid. The one thing you can depend on is for me to be honest. I didn't say I wasn't two-faced, because I can be at times; we all can. But, if confronted, you bet I'll be honest. I can't lie because I always feel so guilty that I end up telling the truth. It's much easier to throw the truth out there right off the bat. But we all lie to save ourselves at one point or another. Some of these lies are small, like "I overslept" turns into "There was a huge traffic jam." or they're huge like, "I've been cheating on you with her for the past six months" becomes "I love you dear; I don't even know her." or "She came onto me."

People will also lie to get what they want. I do believe that there are some good souls out ther ewho are 100% honest about their wants. But there are people who are driven (not a bad thing) who will do anything to get their heart's desire. These can be big or small as well. "I did my homework, Mom," or "I'm not seeing anyone right now. I just want you." It happens, and there's not one thing you can do about it.

We act off of our own insecurities. It may appear that someone is being hateful or mean towards you, when really, it is their own insecurities that they are having a problem dealing with.

Forgiveness doesn't equate into having to fix the relationship in question. If someone has wronged you, or you have wronged them, forgive yourself and forgive them. If you don't, you'll go crazy because you'll never let go of the situation. But, I've learned that doesn't mean that you need to ressurect your relationship with that person. Because that may lead you to go crazy too.

And the most important:

Sometimes, it's okay to give up. Especially if it's what's best for you physically, mentally, and emotionally. I am not a person who likes to give up. I am aware that I am quite persistant, and although this is a good quality in some ways, it can be annoying, and dangerous too. Not only do I strive for perfection in myself, but I strive for it in my relationships. I can't stand anyone being mad at me, and being estranged from someone gives me enough stress to probably land me in the hospital. When someone hurts me, I want to know why. I'm at a constant need to understand people and their motives (psychology). I am also a ridiculously clingy human being. I don't connect with many people, so I am attached to those I do. And I love my friends with all my heart, and I would literally do anything for them. I'm not the one who decides what makes a person good or bad, I leave that up to God, but some people just aren't good for you. Some people can bring out the bad in you, or simply make you miserable. These people aren't needed in your life, no matter how much you love them. Sometimes love from afar is the greatest kind of love you can give.